Give Without Expecting to Get

ImageSo, I admit, I am biased. I am personally pre-disposed to the needs of the group, pre-disposed to helping others, pre-disposed to providing resources for those that are in my sphere. What is exciting is that research by Wharton professor Adam Grant, in his book Give and Take, shows that those that are truly concerned about giving before they get actually turn out to have more long-term success than those that are takers first (though takers do often seem to be ahead in the short term).

Beyond Grant’s research (which is fantastic), this idea has been creeping up in many other unrelated spheres. In his book Startup Communities, Brad Feld encourages those working in and around communities for startups to focus on giving first. In other books like Go-Giver similar principles are encouraged in a slightly different context.

The reality is setting in. People who give ultimately receive even more than those who take, but why? First, let me suggest that those that give actually receive, simply by giving to others (the Apostle Paul quotes Jesus as saying “it is more blessed to give than to receive” in a speech in Acts 20:35). Intrinsically we feel good when we give, serve, help, and care. Retail therapy has become a big part of our consumeristic culture, but it has nothing on giving therapy in the long run!

Second, the reality of givers are that they have a strong network of people. In the process of giving without expectations, you strengthen bonds by showing that you are in a relationship for the long haul, rather than seeking some quick repayment. There are often people who tell you that they are willing to help, want to do anything they can to assist, etc. but never actually follow through (great intentions, but just not the biggest priority for them). Then there are those who are givers, these people thrive off of sharing with others and seeing them succeed.

Today, take some time to evaluate your mode – are you a giver? In what areas do you find yourself more pre-disposed to give? How do you react to the idea that givers get further in life than takers? Has that been your reality?

If it doesn’t challenge me, why do it?

This post continues the series on humility, previous posts can be found herehere, and here. It is the last in the 4-part humility series and is a follow-up from a weekend retreat for teens that was focused on Paul’s Letter to the Philippian Church.

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50 teenagers sat uncomfortably (at first) as it was rolled out that this weekend wasn’t about them. Well, more specifically, it wasn’t about them as individuals. It was about the group, it was about service, it was about relationships, and it was about embracing their faith. Talk about a tough message to a generation of people who have grown up with a steady diet of me-centric media…but if it isn’t tough, why do it?

What is amazing is that they respond. Tell them that they have a choice – live a life that looks self-centered, potentially abusive, and self-gratifying or a life that is other-focused, concerned about the good for others, and self-emptying and it surprising that they actually seem excited for this “new” path forward.

I think all too often we offer simple solutions, band-aid fixes, and low hanging fruit to people when what they really want (or at least need) are transformative experiences, deep and hard self-work, and big goals.

What if we asked people to help others without being concerned about their desires all the time? What would happen if we asked people to let go of the things that they are holding onto in order to lift the burdens of someone else? What if we asked them to forgive, rather than to hold onto grudges?

The answer to these questions is that we would have a wholly different society. One that was not focused with getting its own way, or constant self-gratification, but instead recognized that every person in showing value to others would actually have more than enough as in giving they themselves receive.

So, enough writing and talking about the subject, who is ready to enact this challenge. For 30 days, live with an other-focused orientation showing honor to others above even your ownself. Encourage them, serve them, and stop worrying about “getting yours”. I guarantee that you will see change among those that surround you and within your ownself.

Live big, otherwise what is the point – who wants to live a small and petty life?